Saturday, September 20, 2014

Did YOU called me?

Saiyasodharan
saiy2k@gmail.com
9952998132
https://www.facebook.com/Saiyasodharan
https://plus.google.com/u/0/+SaiyasodharanR/posts


Tring Tring... Tring Tring... !

It was some unknown number and I picked up the phone.

"Hello Sai"... A familiar, long forgotten Voice that shook my whole body. I couldn't believe myself. All my emotional thoughts confirmed that It is `you`. My rational thoughts nowhere to be found, completely out of picture.

"Hello AG", I said in a trembling voice.

"Woow Sai, You found me :-) I feel very very happy for that. How are you?"

"I am good", I had so many questions to ask, (billions of things may be), but in the state of excitement that I am in, nothing turned into words. That's when my rationale peeked in and started telling me that I am in a Dream, as the possibility of this Call is very negligible, not Zero though !!!

"How is mom?", you asked.

"She is great. and How are you AG?"

"Yeah, I am also good Sai"

The discussion continued but it was `you` enquiring about me, our mutual friends, my job and other things. I was so mesmerized that I was just answering all your questions and nothing else. My rationale was crying aloud to wake me up, he couldn't believe on the circumstances. But I consciously turned it off, not caring for the truth and just living the minutes. But also, it felt 100% real, it was a real call, a real conversation.

Not even 5 minutes into the call, you told, "Ok Sai. Thanks for remembering me still :-) I am very happy to speak with you. Catch you later"

"Oh WAIT... How about you? What you doing? Still in hometown or came to Chennai? Tell me about yourself", I asked.

"Haa Sai. Thanks for asking. But I got to go now and Sai I just called you as a good friend and nothing more. Hope you remember why", you exclaimed.

"Haa... I just asked about you very casually and nothing more. Ok you carry on. Shall we speak tomorrow? Shall I call you tomorrow, the same time?"

"yeah Sai.. Will call you tomorrow myself. You dont call me back"

BEEP! Call over!!!

Took the phone to my front, staring at the phone, Trying to comprehend the unbelievable thing, that just happened. Posed a serious challenge to my rationale, "Now you justify me, why is this a dream?". Was looking around myself, where I am standing. what I am doing. Everything seemed fit, but still my rationale, "What If this is a realistic dream, that you could believe only after waking up. No worries, If thats the case, you will soon find out. Otherwise, I will completely abide by your will, you decisions".

My Emotionale, "Hello people. You forgot me. What if this is a dream, but its her thoughts that is being conveyed to you in your dream via Telepathy / ESP or whatever you call it? You rationale, you and your Science are still centuries or even millennia backward, when it comes to understanding the brain, the thoughts. You people focus much on searching outside universe and not the inner Universe."

My Rationale, "Ha. I agree and let me give you a solution in this situation. You try to convey her that you received her call / communication / thoughts and send your contacts again, Phone, Mail, FB, everything and wait till she contacts back for 2nd time. You shall do 2 things to convey; Drop in a mail to all those bunch of mail IDs and write in ur blog and share it online. There is a high possibility that she might be following you online".

Then I continued with my day till evening, only to find out a little later that it was actually Sunday morning and that I am in my bed.

LOL !!!

But anyways, here is goes again...

Saiyasodharan
saiy2k@gmail.com
9952998132
https://www.facebook.com/Saiyasodharan
https://plus.google.com/u/0/+SaiyasodharanR/posts

I couldn't stop laughing at my Rationale for it failed a simple, effective Idea, "to look at the number and write it in the heart, so I couldn't forget it, whichever world my soul travels to..."

Feeling Hopeful... !!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

A Lonely Masturbator - Part 2

... Continuation of Part 1 ...

Internet Connection @ Home

Though I had Computer @ home since 8th Standard, I did nothing but gaming and exploring new softwares. It was in 10th Standard that I got Internet Connection in home. Till that point, it was not much difficult for me to stay away from all the `Internet Fantasies`, that my friends were exploring.

All the time from 7th standard, I was very eager to see all those `sex pictures` in Internet. More than the pictures of `Sexual activity`, I was interested in pictures of girls :-) But I restrained for 2 reasons:

  1. I believed to be a sin.
  2. I had a `Image` that I a `good boy`, who don't watch these stuff, nor even speak on this.
And I am very proud of myself, for being moral and not watching those stuffs in Internet, unlike my other friends.

But once I got Internet at home, big confusions started. My curiosity were over ruling Point 1 and I know for sure, no one would know, If I just visited `sex sites` in home :-) and I can definitely retain my `Good Boy` Image :-)

Wait for 8 Years

The Internal mind battle started whether to just watch the sex sites (atleast once) OR be a good boy and evade this thoughts altogether !!! But the good boy WON with one big self assurance. I was studying 10th by then. 11th, 12th, 4 years of college and 2 years of work, totaling to 8 years. So I promised myself to wait for 8 years, after which I would some how get married and can morally explore SEX with a real girl :-) wow, wow.. awesome awesome :-)


Whenever the intent to watch the sites arise in my mind, I used to say myself, "Just 8 years more. Let's wait. Let's wait. Let's wait !!!" Also I thought of the possibilities of persuading mom and dad to arrange my marriage immediately I am done with College. But also felt very shameful on how I am going to start speaking this topic in home !!!

So, even after getting Internet @ home, I remained just a gamer and also a `good boy` :-)

FTV - The Dream Channel

Apart from Internet sex sites, there was a home remedy. A TV Channel with adult content, namely FTV. Friends used to watch that also and used to discuss on that. As usual, I had the urge to watch FTV, but restrained myself from watching it.



One weekend, both mom and dad was not in home and a friend came to my home. He asked me "Sai, shall we watch FTV? Don't worry, its not at all like those Internet sites. Its just some girls walk through the stage"

I strictly said "No".

But he got the remote from me and switched on the TV and was searching for the Channel. I am trying to convince him not to watch it and trying to get remote from him. We were arguing and on the other hand, he found the channel, FTV and said "YES".

Then he pleaded me, "Sai, If you dont want to see, be it. But please, please da.. Let me watch it, Its a very rare opportunity for me da." I was arguing to change the channel, but he never listened. So I turned away from the TV, took a book and started reading it, letting him continue.

New School, New Life, New Adventures

For 11th Standard, I joined a new school and it was our first `Computer Lab` session. We are all standing in line to go to lab. A friend standing beside me, asked me something,

"Sai, Do you know how to use computer?"

I replied, "yeah da... How about you?"

"I only know how to open Internet and see `bit` films", he said and continued, "Other than that I know nothing da... You teach me. okay?"

"okay", I just giggled outside, while stomach is burning Inside, Thinking to myself, "Even in this school, people watch it. Why not me??? NO. Never. Now its just 7 years", I assured myself.

Couple of months passed in new school and friended everyone there. Then I started preaching to my friends that `sex` is wrong and watching such sites is sinful and discouraged them from watching it and be a good boy. Most wont argue with me except a very couple of guys and one among them was always supportive of Sex.

We used to have discussions on this. I tried persuading him that Sex is Sin, while he tried persuading me that Sex is Life. He stood his ground very strongly, so did I.

First Sex Video

We used to hangout in a friend's home after school, in the name of studies. We study very few days, and on most other days, we used to play games in computer and just chit chat.

One fine day, I went to his home early than the other guys. He told me that he had a very cool video. I asked him what it is? He didn't tell me, but he opened some folders in his system and opened a video. He seeked to the middle of the video.

I was interested on what it could be and watching it. For a dozen of seconds, I couldn't understand what's is being shown in the screen. I was thinking and trying to figure out what it is. Then when I understood the things, I felt very disgusting, felt like vomiting and closed the Video Player !!

It was a scene of Anal sex, shot at close up (when I didn't understand what it is) and slowly being zoomed out (when things become more clearer).



I exploded, shouted at him angrily and left his home. On reaching my home, I couldn't stop thinking on that. I couldn't focus on anything else. Even the games couldn't turn away my attention from those dozen seconds of frames.

Couldn't resist Anymore

I had a very mixed feeling. I felt both disgusted on watching the act, but more interested on seeing a girl nude. I felt the urge to watch it again, but without that guy doing those disgusting acts. That day, whole night I was thinking, "how to get another chance"?

I really wanted to watch it again. But was thinking what he will think of me, what others think of me? My own Image (as a good boy) stands in my way now !!!

Couple of days passed. I couldn't resist anymore. Without much thought, I asked him while in school, that If we could watch `it` again. I also requested (almost begged) him not to tell anyone. He agreed!!! I was soooo happy from the bottom of my heart and felt like I am going to heaven :-D

After school, I visited his home. I told him that I dont like to watch that guy, but only that girl. He started the video, but we couldn't watch fully as his mom was in home, working in the kitchen and she might come to our room anytime. We saw from the beginning. IT WAS AWESOME. The girl slowly removing her clothes and revealing herself. WOW. I FELT LIKE IT WAS THE GOLDEN PERIOD OF MY LIFE. No words could express that satisfaction, that happiness, that feeling. It was sooo awesome, watching it for the first time in my life.



Because of the circumstances, we couldn't watch it fully, not even 5 minutes. But those couple of minutes, I felt awesome. He also promised me that he wouldn't tell anyone. I felt happy, fulfilled and also much guiltier. So I promised myself that I have experienced it once and so I should wait next 7 years till the real thing happen. No more videos till that.

More to Come...

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Elections 2014 - Excited and saddened about it !!!

Its almost 3 years since I casted (wasted) my first vote. Its been a long time, but looks very short. At that time I had no hope on any parties and hence my decision to opt for 49-O. The general population  seems to vote for a party, which seems to be lesser evil than the other. Of course, the party which seemed to be lesser evil, gets switched every term. But I was very clear on my decision that I should never go for such logic; If some party is evil, however lesser it might be, I decided not to support it. Also I promised myself that I should do my R & D on Individual candidates next time and If I could find any genuine and honest person with good Intent, I should vote for them.

In past 3 years - India Against Corruption

We all seen IAC movement and Anna Hazare became my role model. Myself, Bharat Kumar, Alexraj and Rooban Ponraj went to fasting venues on our weekends and supported the movement to our own capacity. I was deeply touched, moved on seeing a whole bunch of people fasting for the goodness of my country. I never thought this much of people cared for my country and I was proved wrong. I felt sooo happy from the bottom of my heart.


Though I had a good understanding of what the movement is about, the Jan Lok Pal is about, I never understood it fully. I couldn't answer (very few) people who is against it, who questioned the Jan Lok Pal. I couldn't answer myself on how it will be different from current systems like CBI, etc., But I turned myself little blind towards that. Though I never had a complete picture, I believed it (blindly) since so much people came to the streets for it, It should be the `Magic Wand` that gonna accelerate my country's growth by fixing on Corruption.

Explorations on RTI and revelation of a Clean Party, Lok Satta Party !!!

When myself and Alex started exploring the RTI and started Adyar and Cooum River RTI project, we got contacted by a guy Ashok Rajendran via online. We decided to meet up with him, when he briefed us on Lok Satta Party. I was very much excited and also skeptic (as always) on hearing about LSP and started R & D on them online. I read through their reforms, their previous works, about Dr. Jayaprakash Narayan, just their tag line "New Politics for a New Generation" and it was seemed very genuine and motivational.

A bell rand inside my head, that my search for a clean honest party came to an end, with the Intro of Lok Satta Party :-) I decided that I will be voting for them next time and not 49-O. Then myself and Alexraj visited their office, participated in certain meetings and was really motivated to see a bunch of youngsters (some from IT) doing social work through a clean party.



I never spoke or even though about Politics before in a curious way. For me, Politics was a Dead Sewage that one should be away from. But Dr. JP's words
"Answer to Bad Politics is Good Politics, Not No Politics"
Those words resonated in mind and then it seemed very obvious and so right for me. Then I realized Politics is not a garbage, but current people in it (speaking of majority). Changing this scenario is very much possible, but its just that clean, honest people need to join hands.

The Big Wave, AAP

Then somehow, I read this news on some guy named Arvind Kejriwal, who is collecting signed petitions from Delhi residents saying that "they wont pay electric bills as they are so damned high" and submitting all the petitions to the Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dixit. He was speaking openly on nexus between the Delhi CM and Electric Companies in Delhi. The number of petitions collected, which is in millions really inspired me and I started watching this guy CLOSELY.



Then only I read that he was one of the master mind behind IAC. Anna Hazare is only the public face, but there were around 10 people behind the scenes and Arvind Kejriwal is one of them. AK's connection with IAC motivated me to the skies. I felt awesome for its not just LSP, but also AAP now. But AAP is not in TN yet. They focused only on Delhi and that is good for them, I believed.

Delhi Elections - PURE AWESOMENESS !!!

Delhi Elections were nearing and I was so excited and closely following Politics. For the first time in my life, I started watching NEWS, started reading Newspapers and that too on Politics !!! Added a guy in Delhi via FB and getting updates from him on what's happening at Ground Zero. Elections were over and I was biting nails and my mom too. Yes, she also got much inspired by AAP and Arvind Kejriwal, by the idea that Clean Politics where all donations are posted online is possible and not a distant dream.

I was wishing from my heart that at least AK wins against Sheila Dixit and AAP gets atleast a couple of seats. The results came out and IT WAS TRULY MINDBLOWING. AAP got 28 of 70 seats. Myself and Mom were dancing together that day, we celebrated the victory of a Common Man. For me, Kejriwal represented "Unnai Pol Oruvan Kamal" in real life !!!

That's me and Mom :-)


49 Days

Each day was a complete excitement. I was following them day by day, their every moves and I felt like my days were never better before. Fulfilling their promises, making marvelous moves against BJP and Congress. LSP's tagline "New Politics for New Generation" fit well with AAP.

One monday morning, I woke up at 5 AM and logged into FB and shocked to see my hero, Kejriwal sleeping in road asking the Police Control in that early morning in Delhi. Tears shed !!! OTHA, What a man he is !!! He is truly a Messiah, the saviour !!!

Then Jan Lokpal is about to be passed. The Most exciting time of all. But the uncertain situation turned unfortunate, since the other parties protested against Jan Lokpal and shown 0 intent in letting the Bill get passed. Unexpectedly (atleast for me), AAP government resigned stating that "They took power to serve people to pass right bills and If they can't do it, then no point in being in power. They told that will come back in full majority and pass the bill".

This logic was not acceptable by me (with my small knowledge and varied twisted sense of Justice). It was a major disappointment for me. There were also other minor conflicts with my own logic and Kejriwal's logic. But those didn't matter much. But resigning!! I simply couldn't accept it.

Aftermath

Though there were minor and major conflicts with my personal opinion and AAP's moves, there was no option of moving away from AAP. Since they are one of the honest Elf that I found in the horde of Orcs.

Couple of my friends started picking on AAP and I couldn't defend AAP to the fullest in the discussions with them, since I myself has conflicts with their moves.

On Freebies

When people blame on Electricity and Water schemes passed by AAP, I just couldn't stand !!! As an Individual, I can buy my domestics needs like TV, Fridge, Mixie, Cycle, Bike; but things like Water source, Electric Source, Road Infrastructure can't be handled by individuals and that is why Government is setup and they take care of those.

When parties do provide the former domestic appliances through Populistic schemes, there is little fuss about it. But when AAP government takes care of the latter, which they are supposed to be, people go Insane !!!

On Resignation

Its not just you. I was also hurt by this decision of Resignation, for following their words 100% like a machine, for not being flexible in our damned reality. But this doesn't make them evil in any ways, in any perspective. But it made them better. It was a crystal clear message that they don't care about power, that I already believed in. But its a strong message to those AAP skeptics.

Now What?

I was trying to talk to people and make them understand that the above things doesn't make AAP evil and make BJP any better than AAP. But its just some people can't understand it seems.

I am yet to decide between LSP / AAP. But I am very happy that I still with my logic of not to vote for lesser evil and I got 2 golden gems to support for. But again its very unfortunate that AAP / LSP didnt get to work together, though their ideologies are so similar. Is It AAP's ego? May be.. But thats another topic of discussion.

and yes, It hurts me badly, when people call AAP a failure or even worst, call Arvind Kejriwal, a psycho / Dharna CM, but don't stop your words. Keep reciting them, its just that I need to take things easily !!!

on MODI

India is a very vast country and I feel sad for people voting for MODI, believing he alone can change the whole world, not caring about the other party members !!!

Some MODI Supporter, please try to understand this and answer yourself:
Modi's 70% of Twitter followers are fake account with random name, default profile pic, no tweets, no followers. WHY IS THAT? Is Modi Good or Evil ?
Source: http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/followers-or-phantoms/article5229517.ece


Let all my political frustrations out, now that I shall sleep well, I believe !!!

Sunday, December 8, 2013

A Lonely Masturbator - Part 1

Gaming vs Browsing

I was studying 7th Standard (probably in the year 2001). Yuvaraj, Makesh and myself used to go to nearby Computer Center (VKGB Internet) to play Video games (most of the time, Doom). We used to give money to the cafe owner for an hour and say "game". He will make us sit in a system and there will be game icons in Desktop. Clicking on them open up the game. Those times, we had no idea on what Desktop, Icon and My Computer are.
I still remember my friend Karthik who opened up "My Computer" accidentally and found 3.5 Floppy drive in it and told me. I was so curious to explore it, but didnt have guts to open it myself for some time.
But there comes few people who pay more or less the same money and say "Browsing". Then both the customer and owner puts up a weird smile in their faces. The owner makes them sit in a system, just like he do with us, except he closes the curtain behind them. By that time, I was little curious on what "Browsing" is about, but the moment I enter into the Centre, my mind get sooo filled with Doom, that I forget everything else.

But after some time, I remember one Sunday, when I went there alone and asked the Cafe owner, what "Browsing" is about. Is it even more gory, action game or what? He smiled at me and told that I will get to know about it later and for now, to continue with games. Little disappointed, I came back.



Tales of Online Nudity

Back in school, few of my friends started telling tales of completely NUDE girls that they see in Computer Centers. As time passes, "FEW" turned to "MOST". Most of my friends had at least one experience with this online things. Few shared it openly and few hide it, for they felt shame and feel it as a sin.

I was much curious on this. I wanted to see nude girls myself (and their funny naughty activities that my friends describe), atleast just once, but some how, I know ITS A SIN and I refrained from it. I even controlled myself from hearing the tales that my friends tell. Some even forced me to hear things, but I did my level best to be away from these sinful things and be good (in my early perspective).

Even my neighborhood friends started telling similar stories. But as a good boy, I always advised them not to see these wrong things in Internet, for it is SIN to do so.

But all this hype created by my friends, indirectly answered me one thing. What "browsing" in VKGB is all about !!!

My thoughts on SEX

I was a big religious, god-believing boy at those times (My recent friends might not believe it. But that is how I was in my child hood) and I clearly know by my heart that SEX IS SIN. I didnt even had guts to spell the word S. E. X at those times.

But as a enthusiastic kid, I try to learn and gain knowledge on all things starting from God, Earth, Universe, Stars, Sky, to Sex. Those times, I even had a wonderful model of earth, which is both Spherical and Flat, when my idea of UP/DOWN is screwed by my excellent (get mark, no knowledge) Education system.
Believe me or not, I havn't had much thoughts on Sex those times. But I always wondered on the "First Night", "How babies are formed?". Every time, I see the following sequence in any movie:
A girl takes a glass (or Sombu) of milk and enters a room with a nice bed decorated with flowers, and our Hero waiting inside. Nice music starts, "nam thana, nam thana,... ". But suddenly, either the light goes off, or either they shut the door.
I was like "WHAT THE FUCK !!! What do they do after that?". It remained a BIG SUSPENSE for long years. But just like my spherical flat Earth model, I had a theory of what they will be doing in First Night, which evolved bit by bit, until I got to know the real picture, several years later.

  1. Theory 1: The couple will kiss the whole night and the girl will get baby after 10 months from her Stomach (probably by cutting through operation)
  2. Theory 2: They also hug each other tightly and the girl will get baby after 10 months.
  3. Theory 3: They probably, get off their clothes, hug tightly and kiss. (Though this is hard for myself to believe first, few tips from the stories told by my friends made this to be a logical conclusion) This is the theory I believed for long time.

First time hearings on Masturbation

Myself and few other friends went to a common friend's home to play. We went to terrace and started chatting. When one guy said, "Guys. Listen to me, Important matter. One bro nearby my house told me.... !!! When you shake your Kunju (Penis in Tamil) vigorously for like 30 minutes something white will come out of it."

Other friend, "dai naaye, nalla oru full bottle water kudi, automaticca you will get Urine in sometime" (Dog, Drink one full bottle water and you will get Urine automatically)

The Enlightened: "Loose I am not talking about Urine. But something else, some sort of liquid."

Others, "Cut your crap".

As for myself, I never engage in such talks and I believed it not moral and I might go to hell !!!

But the curiosity in me is taking over me. I want to know more, get more knowledge on all this things, wanted to experiment myself first.

My First Masturbation (in Vain)

I dont even know the term Masturbation nor the Tamil equivalent of it. But I wanted to experiment and find if what the Enlightened told is true. But I was thinking If its right to try out such experiments? what if its wrong? Am I supposed to touch down there for reasons other than Urinating and washing during bath? What if Mom or dad found out? What If my friends came to know about this? Sooo much questions? But I know I can execute this plan without anyone'e knowledge and I promised myself that I will do this just once, just for the sake of experiment.

One fine day, I go to Toilet when no one is in home, takes out my Jhonny from my trousers and started shaking it. But then a doubt arises, Should I do up/down or sideways. DAMN !!! The enlightened friend didnt told about that and it didnt strike me before. Not a problem. Let me try in all ways. But as time goes, the curiosity level goes down and fear and guilty factors rise. I remember him say 30 minutes. But not even 10 minutes passed, I got so tense and stopped the experiment as I was so frightened and also could see nothing happening.

But I was not disappointed, as I concluded that my friend is not Enlightened and the mistake is on me for believing him and did an insanely EVIL, SINFUL, stupid act.


PS: As its obvious for me that I have enough content to write 10 posts on this topic, I am stopping here. Will continue in upcoming posts.

Old Content Posted first on (8/12/2013)

At the start of this year, I wrote few posts on the so called Indian Culture. In the same spirit, I also had much to share on few things, which is considered Taboo in my country, but which plays a vital role in the life of people of my age.

But I had absolutely zero guts to write on it. Still I don't feel confident on writing this. Thats why this  empty post with the RIGHT TITLE.

Hope I will get enough courage soon, to write on this topic :-) :D



Sunday, September 15, 2013

Cycling with a Stranger at midnight

Ambience

I was en route to my Uncle's home near Avadi in my Cycle. Time is around 11.30 PM. Very much tired from the busy day, which started with Swimming (practise) in early morning with Vivek Ramaraj and ended with Sapling Distribution in a Reception near Porur with Surya, Lakshmanan, Anand Kumar (Green Warriors of Chennai Social Service), Karan and Radhika (New Joins in CSS, working in L & T). Because of both my Cycle condition and my Body condition, I was riding at what I consider as medium Pace.

An Empty Road

I was cycling in Avadi - Poonamallee High road all alone. There were few vehicles passing now and then. In a distant, I could saw a lonely Pedestrian walking by slowly in the left side of the road. As I pedalled slowly, I am nearing him. In a couple of minutes, I crossed him when he called me, "thambi..." (brother).

I stopped and replied, "yes, tell…"


Ride with a Stranger and My crazy thoughts

Stranger: "Have you seen any hotels while on the way?"

"hmmmm…. No, All shops were closed as its already 11.30 PM"

"oh… !!!", he told and stood still.

I wanted to help him, though I was wondering If its fine to help him, he being a total stranger and keeping in mind, the time. But then I asked "Are you hungry?"

"yes bro. Came to Chennai for some work. Got too late, missed Dinner and now here I am, searching for food in mid - night"

Without thinking I told, "fine. Join me. I will be going forward few kilometres. May be we could find some hotel. But only If you could ride, since I am little tired to take on doubles."

He was so happy and took my Cycle and started pedalling. I sat in the back. Then only I started asking myself, "What I am doing? I should havn't done this. What if he going to beat me up and take my belongings? What if his gang is waiting some 100 metres front, waiting for the pray? What if he a Gay rapist? (We live in `India`) What if... What if…"

I got seriously tensed, solely based on my imagination, took up my phone, typed in 100, but didn't dial, though I am ready to dial anytime, if things go wrong.

Made a plan in mind itself. He is a heavy build, Can crush me very easily, but I believe I have more Stamina and can run away easily and also call 100 and request for help. Then, I was running a simulation inside my mind on the execution of plan, when he interrupted, "Where you going at this time, brother?"

"I am going to my Uncle's home. We might have travelled more half a km, but no shops. I guess we couldn't find any at this time." (Hoping he will stop and go back in his way)

"yeah Possibly, Lets see..", he didn't care and kept pedalling.

I was saying to myself, "Curse me, I should never have stopped in the first place" and to him, "Brother, We came little far, How can you go back then, it might be hard" (with the full intention of convincing him to stop cycle and go back).

"No problem brother. If we find a hotel, I can eat and stay there itself. I will get a bus in morning to go back."

"okay." Then both of us were completely silent for few minutes, I am in high alert mode, prepared to run and dial 100 anytime.

He again broke the silence, "I think we came too far, no hotels unfortunately. There is a shed there. I will just go there and sleep. Thanks for the ride."

I got very much relieved, but felt very shameful over my totally insane thoughts of such a kind person. Then, I said, "ok. Take care" and left

Conclusion

I was then introspecting the whole incident, the insecure feeling that I had over a fellow citizen, mainly because of the night time. I had discussions with such strangers at even later times. But never had a ride together and one another difference is, during previous encounters, I would have a maximum of Rs. 100 and a Basic phone. But this time, I had around Rs. 3000 in pocket and a Smart phone, which is why I worried more.


Still, I don't know whether to change myself and be a better human next time, or avoid strangers at such times. Because I can't be sure if he is one among the majority or he is one among the Exceptions.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Is it for Real? I wish NO

It happens occasionally, that I get to see you in my dreams and wish that the dream be true and the reality be a dream. But in all those dreams, except the recent one, things were much smoother, joyful and the dreams got punched into my mind as some real positive memories with you. Though I never got a chance to hang out with you, even in dreams :P
On those mornings, after I wake from the `real` dreams, I wonder if Telepathy / ESP actually is true and you are conveying your joy with me.

But yesterday, it was very different. It was totally unexpected. It was horrible. It was a NIGHTMARE, which seemed SO real. But I wish now, Telepathy / ESP be well damned and its nothing but an empty dream, inside my void Brain.

And of course, I take this as a signal to start writing the remaining episodes !!!

Wish All is well there !!! Stay happy, Live your Life :-)